1 00:00:01,436 --> 00:00:04,047 ♪ OH LORD, I'MA LOSE MY MIND ♪ 2 00:00:04,091 --> 00:00:06,658 ♪ GOT WHAT YOU NEED TO GET YOU HIGH ♪ 3 00:00:06,702 --> 00:00:09,531 ♪ HOW 'BOUT WE JUST TAKE SOME TIME? 4 00:00:09,574 --> 00:00:12,795 ♪ GONNA GET ME A SLICE OF THAT CHERRY PIE ♪ 5 00:00:12,838 --> 00:00:16,016 ♪ OH LORD, I'MA LOSE MY MIND ♪ 6 00:00:16,059 --> 00:00:18,105 ♪ GOT WHAT YOU NEED TO GET YOU HIGH... ♪ 7 00:00:18,148 --> 00:00:21,238 YOU MEAN TO TELL ME YOU'VE KNOWN THAT GIRL MOST OF YOUR LIFE 8 00:00:21,282 --> 00:00:24,067 AND YOU AIN'T NEVER HAD SEX WITH HER? AND YOU AIN'T WANT TO? 9 00:00:24,111 --> 00:00:26,417 WHAT? NO, THAT'S MY BEST FRIEND'S SISTER. 10 00:00:26,461 --> 00:00:30,117 SO? I'VE HAD SEX WITH ALL MY FRIEND'S SISTERS 11 00:00:30,160 --> 00:00:32,032 AND THEIR SISTER'S SISTERS. 12 00:00:32,075 --> 00:00:33,555 MAN, YOU TRIPPIN'. THAT GIRL'S FINE. 13 00:00:33,598 --> 00:00:36,079 - Girl: HEY, BABY! - NO, THAT'S ALL RIGHT. 14 00:00:36,123 --> 00:00:37,907 I'M GONNA ADD HER TO MY LIST. 15 00:00:37,950 --> 00:00:40,997 - NO. NO NO NO. SHE'LL DESTROY YOU. - PUSSY. 16 00:00:41,041 --> 00:00:44,087 I'M SERIOUS. IN HIGH SCHOOL SHE DATED THE CAPTAIN OF THE HOCKEY TEAM. 17 00:00:44,131 --> 00:00:46,176 HE WAS ALL-STATE, HAD A FULL RIDE TO MICHIGAN. 18 00:00:46,220 --> 00:00:48,004 - KNOW WHERE HE IS NOW? - UH, NO. 19 00:00:48,048 --> 00:00:49,832 THIS IS THE FIRST TIME I EVER HEARD OF THIS DUDE. 20 00:00:49,875 --> 00:00:52,008 HE'S BAGGING GROCERIES. 21 00:00:52,052 --> 00:00:56,056 SHE MADE HIM SO HAPPY THAT HE LOST HIS WILL TO COMPETE. 22 00:00:56,099 --> 00:00:59,102 MOST GIRLS ARE YOKO ONO. SHE'S LINDA McCARTNEY. 23 00:00:59,146 --> 00:01:01,409 YOU'RE IN THE BEATLES. HOOK UP WITH HER, YOU'LL END UP IN WINGS. 24 00:01:01,452 --> 00:01:03,106 WHO'S THE BEATLES? 25 00:01:03,150 --> 00:01:05,848 I SWEAR, YOU SAY A COMMENT LIKE THAT AGAIN-- 26 00:01:05,891 --> 00:01:08,155 - MAKE OUT WITH ME. - NO, I SHOULD PASS. 27 00:01:08,198 --> 00:01:10,070 YOU KNOW I'VE WANTED TO FRENCH YOU SINCE KINDERGARTEN. 28 00:01:10,113 --> 00:01:13,899 - OH REALLY? - COME ON, WE'RE NOT IN CHEYENNE ANYMORE. 29 00:01:13,943 --> 00:01:15,988 NO ONE'S GONNA CARE. 30 00:01:16,032 --> 00:01:17,555 HEY LINDA, HOW DO YOU SPELL YOUR LAST NAME? 31 00:01:17,599 --> 00:01:20,428 - Man: CAN YOU FEEL THAT? 32 00:01:24,214 --> 00:01:27,174 YOU BETTER HOLD ON. THIS ONE'S ABOUT TO GET BUMPY. 33 00:01:28,740 --> 00:01:31,526 ♪ GIVE ME A HELL, GIVE ME A YEAH ♪ 34 00:01:31,569 --> 00:01:32,440 ♪ HELL YEAH 35 00:01:32,483 --> 00:01:34,746 ♪ STAND UP RIGHT NOW 36 00:01:34,790 --> 00:01:38,098 ♪ GIVE ME A HELL, GIVE ME A YEAH ♪ 37 00:01:38,141 --> 00:01:40,361 ♪ STAND UP RIGHT NOW, RIGHT NOW ♪ 38 00:01:40,404 --> 00:01:43,842 ♪ GIVE ME A HELL, GIVE ME A YEAH ♪ 39 00:01:43,886 --> 00:01:45,366 ♪ STAND UP RIGHT NOW. 40 00:01:48,717 --> 00:01:51,459 I'VE GOT THREE FRESHMEN STARTING IN THE SECONDARY. 41 00:01:51,502 --> 00:01:53,156 THAT'S NOT GOOD. 42 00:01:53,200 --> 00:01:55,158 NO. 43 00:01:57,073 --> 00:02:00,120 - THE DEFENSIVE LINE, WE'RE PRETTY VETERAN-- 44 00:02:02,078 --> 00:02:04,994 - I WAS HAVING A CONVERSATION. - I DON'T GIVE A SHIT. 45 00:02:05,037 --> 00:02:08,389 ARE YOU AWARE THAT 60% OF YOUR TEAM HAS AN ARREST RECORD? 46 00:02:08,432 --> 00:02:10,478 WELL, THAT'S BETTER THAN LAST YEAR. 47 00:02:10,521 --> 00:02:13,133 PARENTS ARE GOING TO BE AFRAID TO SEND THEIR KIDS TO MY SCHOOL, MARTY! 48 00:02:13,176 --> 00:02:16,353 DEAN SIMON, I'M HAVING A LITTLE DIFFICULTY UNDERSTANDING YOU 49 00:02:16,397 --> 00:02:17,920 WITH MY EX-WIFE'S TIT IN YOUR MOUTH. 50 00:02:17,963 --> 00:02:19,617 REALLY? YOU SHOULD TRY IT SOMETIME. 51 00:02:19,661 --> 00:02:22,054 IT MIGHT TAKE THE TASTE OF BOOZE AND WHORES OUT OF YOURS. 52 00:02:22,098 --> 00:02:24,187 YOU'RE ONLY WITH HIM BECAUSE YOU THINK IT PISSES ME OFF. 53 00:02:24,231 --> 00:02:27,059 ENOUGH! WE HAVE GOT TO WORK TOGETHER 54 00:02:27,103 --> 00:02:28,844 TO TURN AROUND THE NEGATIVE IMAGE OF THIS TEAM. 55 00:02:28,887 --> 00:02:30,541 NOW I'VE BEEN IN TOUCH WITH THE BOOSTERS. 56 00:02:30,585 --> 00:02:33,544 - CAN'T WAIT TO HEAR THIS. - WE'RE ORGANIZING A CHARITY GAME 57 00:02:33,588 --> 00:02:35,590 BETWEEN YOUR PLAYERS AND THE ST. MARY'S CHURCH GROUP. 58 00:02:35,633 --> 00:02:39,724 FATHER WEST IS EXPECTING YOU AND YOUR PLAYERS AT CHURCH ON SUNDAY 59 00:02:39,768 --> 00:02:43,424 TO ANNOUNCE THE EVENT AND THEN WE'RE SENDING YOU ON A P.R. TOUR. 60 00:02:43,467 --> 00:02:46,209 REALLY? WELL, IT AIN'T GONNA HAPPEN. 61 00:02:46,253 --> 00:02:49,081 THIS IS YOUR BOSS, MARTY. AND THE BOOSTERS ARE BEHIND US ON THIS. 62 00:02:49,125 --> 00:02:50,909 THEY THINK YOU'RE FINISHED. 63 00:02:50,953 --> 00:02:54,043 I'VE TOLD THEM I THINK YOU'VE GOT ANOTHER TITLE IN YOU. 64 00:02:54,086 --> 00:02:56,306 DON'T PROVE ME WRONG. LET'S GO. 65 00:02:56,350 --> 00:02:59,179 SMILE BIG FOR THE CAMERAS, COACH. 66 00:02:59,222 --> 00:03:02,878 HEY, WARREN, YOU WALK LIKE A PUSSY. 67 00:03:12,279 --> 00:03:15,238 I CAN'T BELIEVE WE'RE WASTING PRIME DRINKING HOURS GOING TO CHURCH. 68 00:03:15,282 --> 00:03:18,894 MORAN'S RIGHT. THIS WHOLE RELIGION THING'S A CROCK OF SHIT. 69 00:03:18,937 --> 00:03:21,201 GOD PROBABLY DOESN'T EVEN EXIST. 70 00:03:21,244 --> 00:03:23,203 I LOVE JESUS. 71 00:03:23,246 --> 00:03:24,726 HE LETS YOU DO WHATEVER YOU WANT TO DO. 72 00:03:24,769 --> 00:03:26,858 ALL YOU GOT TO DO IS APOLOGIZE AFTER. 73 00:03:26,902 --> 00:03:29,252 I DON'T THINK THAT'S HOW IT WORKS. 74 00:03:29,296 --> 00:03:31,211 HEY, LISTEN. TRUST ME, IT IS. 75 00:03:31,254 --> 00:03:32,342 WHEN I WAS 10 YEARS OLD, 76 00:03:32,386 --> 00:03:33,996 I BURNED DOWN MY NEIGHBOR'S HOUSE. 77 00:03:34,039 --> 00:03:35,780 MY MOM MADE ME GO SEE THE PRIEST. 78 00:03:35,824 --> 00:03:37,260 THE PRIEST TOLD ME 79 00:03:37,304 --> 00:03:39,958 ALL I HAD TO DO WAS APOLOGIZE TO JESUS 80 00:03:40,002 --> 00:03:41,351 AND THAT WOULD BE THAT. 81 00:03:41,395 --> 00:03:43,614 I'VE BEEN A BELIEVER EVER SINCE, BABY. 82 00:03:43,658 --> 00:03:45,703 JESUS! 83 00:03:45,747 --> 00:03:47,749 CROCK OF SHIT, MORAN. 84 00:03:47,792 --> 00:03:49,968 MR. CASTLE, CAN YOU GIVE US A FEW WORDS ABOUT THE GAME ON SATURDAY? 85 00:03:50,012 --> 00:03:54,146 YES, BUT FIRST I'D LIKE TO THANK MY LORD AND SAVIOR 86 00:03:54,190 --> 00:03:56,236 FOR MAKING ME SUCH AN AWESOME FOOTBALL PLAYER. 87 00:03:56,279 --> 00:03:59,717 IN THE NAME OF THE FATHER, THE MOTHER AND BOTH OF THEIR SONS. 88 00:04:05,070 --> 00:04:08,248 WE ARE SO EXCITED COACH DANIELS AND THE MOUNTAIN GOATS 89 00:04:08,291 --> 00:04:11,033 HAVE AGREED TO PLAY US IN A GOOD OLD-FASHIONED GAME 90 00:04:11,076 --> 00:04:13,035 OF CHARITY TOUCH FOOTBALL. 91 00:04:13,078 --> 00:04:15,907 THANKS TO THEIR KINDNESS, WE'LL FINALLY HAVE THE MONEY 92 00:04:15,951 --> 00:04:18,649 WE NEED TO COMPLETE OUR CHURCH'S RENOVATIONS. 93 00:04:18,693 --> 00:04:20,347 SO GOD BLESS COACH DANIELS, 94 00:04:20,390 --> 00:04:22,044 - GOD BLESS THE GOATS... 95 00:04:22,087 --> 00:04:25,134 AND GOD BLESS THE ENTIRE B.M.S. FOOTBALL PROGRAM! 96 00:04:35,275 --> 00:04:36,972 PURITY. 97 00:04:37,015 --> 00:04:39,801 PURE AS THE DAY IS LONG, LADIES AND GENTLEMEN, 98 00:04:39,844 --> 00:04:41,585 THAT'S HOW WE HAVE TO BE, 99 00:04:41,629 --> 00:04:44,284 MUCH AS A FOOTBALL PLAYER HAS TO BE PURE OF MIND 100 00:04:44,327 --> 00:04:47,548 - TO GET THROUGH THAT GAME. - SORRY, JESUS. 101 00:04:47,591 --> 00:04:50,072 OH. THANK YOU, JESUS. 102 00:04:50,115 --> 00:04:52,204 ...TO GET THROUGH THAT GAME OF LIFE. 103 00:04:52,248 --> 00:04:54,468 EACH AND EVERY DAY, FOLKS, IT'S FOURTH AND LONG. 104 00:04:54,511 --> 00:04:56,600 AND WE HAVE TO DO WHAT WE NEED TO DO 105 00:04:56,644 --> 00:04:58,776 TO MOVE THOSE CHAINS. 106 00:04:58,820 --> 00:05:02,345 THAT'S RIGHT. JUST AS OUR LORD... 107 00:05:02,389 --> 00:05:03,999 NO NO NO. 108 00:05:04,042 --> 00:05:06,306 REMEMBER WHAT I SAID? SHE'S OFF-LIMITS. 109 00:05:06,349 --> 00:05:09,091 LIMITS ARE MADE TO BE BROKEN. I DO IT ALL THE TIME. 110 00:05:09,134 --> 00:05:12,094 PAULINE. PAULINE'S A GOOD TIME. 111 00:05:12,137 --> 00:05:13,530 SHE'S A GREAT TIME. SHE'S REALLY NICE. 112 00:05:13,574 --> 00:05:15,402 I'VE ALREADY BEEN WITH HER. WE ALL HAVE. 113 00:05:15,445 --> 00:05:17,186 YOU KNOW THAT. WHY YOU BRINGING UP HER? 114 00:05:17,229 --> 00:05:19,971 - Moran: WHY? WHY WHY WHY HER? - WHAT DO YOU THINK? 115 00:05:20,015 --> 00:05:22,147 RANDELL, MORAN, 116 00:05:22,191 --> 00:05:27,239 SHUT THE HELL UP AND GET YOUR ASSES IN YOUR SEATS NOW! 117 00:05:27,283 --> 00:05:29,503 SORRY, FATHER. CONTINUE. 118 00:05:31,940 --> 00:05:34,638 SO I'M DEFINITELY GONNA HIT YOU UP THIS WEEK. 119 00:05:34,682 --> 00:05:36,814 - I'MA TAKE YOU DANCING. - SHUT UP. 120 00:05:36,858 --> 00:05:38,686 I'M GONNA TAKE YOUDANCING. 121 00:05:38,729 --> 00:05:40,601 MM-HMM. 122 00:05:44,256 --> 00:05:47,085 YEAH, NO, YOU CAN'T SLEEP WITH RADON. 123 00:05:47,129 --> 00:05:48,391 'CAUSE YOU'RE JEALOUS, RIGHT? 124 00:05:48,435 --> 00:05:50,524 BECAUSE HE'S REALLY VALUABLE TO ME-- THE TEAM. 125 00:05:50,567 --> 00:05:52,221 HE'S VALUABLE TO THE WHOLE TEAM. 126 00:05:52,264 --> 00:05:55,093 SINCE WHEN DO YOU TELL ME WHO I CAN AND CAN'T SLEEP WITH? 127 00:05:55,137 --> 00:05:57,487 I KNOW YOUR TRACK RECORD WITH GUYS. 128 00:05:57,531 --> 00:05:59,576 I WASN'T EVEN THINKING OF PORKING RADON, 129 00:05:59,620 --> 00:06:01,752 BUT YOU JUST TALKED ME INTO IT. 130 00:06:01,796 --> 00:06:03,972 THAT GUY'S GONNA OWE YOU A THANK YOU CARD. 131 00:06:10,065 --> 00:06:12,502 MARTY. MARTY. 132 00:06:12,546 --> 00:06:15,070 MARTIN. 133 00:06:15,113 --> 00:06:16,506 THIS IS YOUR TEAM MASCOT. 134 00:06:16,550 --> 00:06:18,552 HE'LL BE GOING WITH YOU ON YOUR P.R. TOUR. 135 00:06:18,595 --> 00:06:22,251 WOW. COACH, IT WILL BE AN HONOR SPENDING TIME WITH YOU. 136 00:06:22,294 --> 00:06:24,993 YOU THINK THIS IS FUNNY, DON'T YOU? 137 00:06:25,036 --> 00:06:27,996 A LITTLE, BUT DON'T THINK FOR A SECOND WE'RE BLUFFING. 138 00:06:28,039 --> 00:06:30,172 DO AS YOU'RE TOLD OR YOU'RE GONE. 139 00:06:35,003 --> 00:06:38,093 THAT DEAN SIMON IS A LUCKY LUCKY MAN. 140 00:06:38,136 --> 00:06:40,095 WOW. 141 00:06:42,053 --> 00:06:45,143 Father West's voice: PURE AS THE DAY IS LONG, LADIES AND GENTLEMEN, 142 00:06:45,187 --> 00:06:46,797 THAT'S HOW WE HAVE TO BE, 143 00:06:46,841 --> 00:06:49,191 MUCH AS A FOOTBALL PLAYER HAS TO BE PURE OF MIND 144 00:06:49,234 --> 00:06:50,975 TO GET THROUGH THAT GAME. 145 00:06:55,023 --> 00:06:58,461 BRIAN BOSWORTH? I ALWAYS SAID YOU WERE GOD. 146 00:06:58,505 --> 00:07:01,551 - NOT QUITE, BUT THANK YOU. - YOU'RE WELCOME. 147 00:07:01,595 --> 00:07:04,772 THAD, GOT SOMETHING VERY IMPORTANT TO TELL YOU. 148 00:07:04,815 --> 00:07:07,209 YOU ARE GOING TO GO IN THE TOP THREE 149 00:07:07,252 --> 00:07:08,776 OF NEXT YEAR'S N.F.L. DRAFT. 150 00:07:08,819 --> 00:07:13,389 OH SHIT! OH SHIT! 151 00:07:13,433 --> 00:07:15,043 THAT WOULD BE HUGE FOR ME! 152 00:07:15,086 --> 00:07:17,698 HOWEVER, IN ORDER FOR THIS TO HAPPEN, 153 00:07:17,741 --> 00:07:21,049 YOU MUST BECOME CELIBATE FOR THE REST OF THE SEASON. 154 00:07:21,092 --> 00:07:24,705 THAT MEANS ABSOLUTELY NO SEX. 155 00:07:24,748 --> 00:07:27,447 NO BEAV? FINE. 156 00:07:27,490 --> 00:07:30,232 - I GOT A POCKET PUSSY. - NO, WE WON'T HAVE ANY OF THAT. 157 00:07:30,275 --> 00:07:32,016 YOU WILL TAKE YOUR LITTLE PLAYERS 158 00:07:32,060 --> 00:07:34,366 AND KEEP THEM IN THEIR LOCKER ROOM FOR THE REST OF THE SEASON. 159 00:07:34,410 --> 00:07:37,805 IF I DO THAT, I'LL GO TOP THREE? 160 00:07:37,848 --> 00:07:39,807 THIS IS YOUR SHOT, THAD. 161 00:07:39,850 --> 00:07:42,113 DON'T BLOW IT. 162 00:07:51,253 --> 00:07:53,037 GOODBYE, OKSANA. 163 00:08:13,754 --> 00:08:17,497 BLUE 18, BLUE 18, 164 00:08:17,540 --> 00:08:20,021 SET, HIKE! 165 00:08:27,550 --> 00:08:29,683 THAT'S FIVE SACKS TODAY, RANDELL! 166 00:08:29,726 --> 00:08:31,511 GET YOUR HEAD OUT OF YOUR ASS! 167 00:08:31,554 --> 00:08:34,035 O-LINE CAN'T HOLD HIM TODAY, COACH! 168 00:08:34,078 --> 00:08:37,212 WHAT DID THEY PUT IN YOUR STEROIDS TODAY? 169 00:08:37,255 --> 00:08:38,474 BORN-AGAIN VIRGINITY. 170 00:08:38,518 --> 00:08:40,520 BRIAN BOSWORTH TOLD ME IF I GO BEAVER-FREE, 171 00:08:40,563 --> 00:08:42,434 I'M GONNA GO TOP THREE IN THE DRAFT. 172 00:08:42,478 --> 00:08:45,655 JUST A HEADS UP, LADIES, I'M BEAVER-FREE UNTIL FURTHER NOTICE. 173 00:08:45,699 --> 00:08:47,527 SO DON'T TRY TO SEDUCE ME WITH YOUR KNOCKERS. 174 00:08:47,570 --> 00:08:49,833 IT WON'T WORK. YOU'RE DISMISSED. 175 00:08:51,400 --> 00:08:54,359 WHAT KIND OF IDIOT GIVES UP SEX FOR FOOTBALL? 176 00:08:54,403 --> 00:08:56,361 AN IDIOT WHO WANTS TO BE THE BEST. 177 00:08:56,405 --> 00:08:58,538 I COULD NEVER GIVE UP SEX. 178 00:08:58,581 --> 00:09:01,236 THAT'S WHY YOU'LL NEVER BE GREAT. 179 00:09:05,632 --> 00:09:08,591 ALL RIGHT, ALL RIGHT! HOMELESS PEOPLE, EAT SOME FOOD. EAT SOME FREE FOOD! 180 00:09:08,635 --> 00:09:10,898 ALL RIGHT, ENJOY! YEAH! 181 00:09:16,164 --> 00:09:18,470 HERE. PUT THIS ON YOUR HEAD. 182 00:09:18,514 --> 00:09:19,950 I'M NOT WEARING THAT. 183 00:09:19,994 --> 00:09:21,691 OH, YOU BET YOUR ASS YOU ARE. 184 00:09:21,735 --> 00:09:24,564 Mascot: YEAH, ALL RIGHT, COACH! YEAH, ALL RIGHT! 185 00:09:24,607 --> 00:09:26,304 THAT HAIRNET LOOKS REALLY STUPID ON YOU! 186 00:09:26,348 --> 00:09:28,263 I CAN'T BELIEVE SHE'S MAKING YOU WEAR THAT! 187 00:09:28,306 --> 00:09:31,614 - PICTURE TIME! - I'LL TAKE SOME PICTURES. HERE WE GO. 188 00:09:31,658 --> 00:09:33,747 Thad: NO THANK YOU. NO GIRLS TODAY. 189 00:09:33,790 --> 00:09:35,575 NO, I DON'T WANT YOU TO LOOK AT ME. GROSS. 190 00:09:35,618 --> 00:09:37,533 YOUR FACE IS AWESOME AND GROSS. 191 00:09:37,577 --> 00:09:41,015 WHY ARE YOU WEARING LINGERIE? IT'S SO AWESOME AND SICK! 192 00:09:41,058 --> 00:09:43,626 GET IT OFF. 193 00:09:43,670 --> 00:09:47,064 THAD BADASSLE, SACTION NEWS 4, 194 00:09:47,108 --> 00:09:50,154 HERE WITH THE BIGGEST SACK MAGNET IN B.M.S. HISTORY. 195 00:09:50,198 --> 00:09:53,462 RADON RANDELL, TELL US WHAT IT'S LIKE TO SUCK SO BAD AT FOOTBALL? 196 00:09:53,505 --> 00:09:55,072 SOME PEOPLE JUST HAVE A BAD DAY, MAN. 197 00:09:56,683 --> 00:09:58,728 AND SOME PEOPLE EAT SHIT! 198 00:10:01,470 --> 00:10:02,950 UH-OH. 199 00:10:05,605 --> 00:10:08,869 YOU KNOW, THE ONLY REASON WHY THAT GUY'S BEATING YOU IS BECAUSE HE'S GIVEN UP SEX. 200 00:10:08,912 --> 00:10:11,175 IF YOU WANT THE HUMILIATION TO END, YA GOTTA DO IT TOO. 201 00:10:11,219 --> 00:10:13,438 - THAT'S IMPOSSIBLE. - IT'S EITHER THAT OR YOU GO ALL SEASON 202 00:10:13,482 --> 00:10:16,528 - WITH THAT GUY KICKING YOUR ASS. 203 00:10:18,530 --> 00:10:21,708 HEY, SEXY. I HAVE DRINKS IN MY ROOM. 204 00:10:21,751 --> 00:10:24,624 WANNA HELP ME DRINK THEM? 205 00:10:25,755 --> 00:10:28,628 - UM... 206 00:10:30,630 --> 00:10:32,240 I GOT TO GO TO THE BATHROOM. 207 00:10:35,722 --> 00:10:39,334 A COUPLE OF DAYS AGO, THAT GUY WAS TRYING TO PORK ME IN A CHURCH. 208 00:10:39,377 --> 00:10:41,553 - REALLY? - YEAH. WHAT'D YOU SAY TO HIM? 209 00:10:41,597 --> 00:10:43,817 I DIDN'T SAY ANYTHING. MAYBE YOU'RE NOT HIS TYPE. 210 00:10:43,860 --> 00:10:48,430 I'M GONNA NAIL THAT GUY AND YOU CAN'T STOP ME. 211 00:10:52,390 --> 00:10:55,306 THE SIGHT OF YOUR AWESOME BOOBS DISGUSTS ME! 212 00:10:56,307 --> 00:10:58,092 BLUE 18. SET... 213 00:10:58,135 --> 00:10:59,484 HIKE! 214 00:11:11,018 --> 00:11:13,629 BREAK IT UP. BREAK IT UP! 215 00:11:13,673 --> 00:11:15,762 HEY, WHAT IS IT WITH YOU TWO?! 216 00:11:15,805 --> 00:11:17,459 YOU'VE BEEN AT EACH OTHER'S THROATS ALL DAY! 217 00:11:17,502 --> 00:11:18,852 HE STOLE MY MOVE, COACH! 218 00:11:18,895 --> 00:11:21,202 BRIAN BOSWORTH CAME TO ME AND SAID 219 00:11:21,245 --> 00:11:22,551 IF I STOP BONING SLOOTS, 220 00:11:22,594 --> 00:11:24,074 I'D GO TOP THREE IN THE DRAFT. 221 00:11:24,118 --> 00:11:26,424 NOW THIS PRICK IS GOING BEAVER-FREE TOO. 222 00:11:26,468 --> 00:11:29,645 IT'S A LIFESTYLE CHOICE! 223 00:11:29,689 --> 00:11:31,386 HEY, HOLD ON. HOLD ON. 224 00:11:31,429 --> 00:11:33,475 ARE YOU TRYING TO TELL ME THAT BOTH OF YOU ARE CELIBATE? 225 00:11:33,518 --> 00:11:34,737 Both: YES, COACH. 226 00:11:34,781 --> 00:11:38,262 I LIKE IT. I LIKE THIS CELIBACY THING. 227 00:11:38,306 --> 00:11:40,917 OKAY, FROM THIS POINT FORWARD, EVERYBODY ON THIS TEAM 228 00:11:40,961 --> 00:11:43,050 - IS CELIBATE. 229 00:11:43,093 --> 00:11:44,747 JON JON, CALL THE PAPERS. 230 00:11:44,791 --> 00:11:46,575 I WANT YOU TO GIVE THEM THE HEADLINE, 231 00:11:46,618 --> 00:11:49,143 "B.M.S. TEAM CELIBATE." 232 00:11:50,622 --> 00:11:52,233 ALL RIGHT. COME ON, HUDDLE UP. 233 00:11:52,276 --> 00:11:54,931 THIS IS ONLY FOR THE STARTERS, RIGHT? 234 00:11:56,367 --> 00:11:59,849 WHEN I WAS ON BEAVER, I USED TO DO VERY BAD THINGS. 235 00:11:59,893 --> 00:12:03,940 YOU GUYS KNOW. MOST OF YOU WERE THERE FOR IT. 236 00:12:03,984 --> 00:12:06,377 IT'S ONLY BEEN 24 HOURS FOR ME, 237 00:12:06,421 --> 00:12:09,554 BUT I ALREADY FEEL MY BALLS GETTING HEAVIER. 238 00:12:10,817 --> 00:12:14,255 AND I'M AFRAID THAT'S GONNA AFFECT MY KICKING. 239 00:12:14,298 --> 00:12:17,737 I HAVE A SERIOUS CONCERNS THAT IF I HAVE TO GO THROUGH THIS FOR EVEN ONE MORE DAY, 240 00:12:17,780 --> 00:12:21,915 MY BALLS'LL GO STRAIGHT-UP EAT EACH OTHER. 241 00:12:21,958 --> 00:12:23,481 HAVE ANY OF YOU TRIED PRAYER? 242 00:12:24,918 --> 00:12:27,311 PRAYER MIGHT WORK FOR YOU. YOU'VE NEVER HAD SEX. 243 00:12:27,355 --> 00:12:28,922 YOU DON'T KNOW WHAT YOU'RE MISSING. 244 00:12:28,965 --> 00:12:31,446 I, ON THE OTHER HAND-- I KNOW EXACTLY WHAT I'M MISSING. 245 00:12:34,884 --> 00:12:38,235 EXCUSE ME. HI. 246 00:12:40,411 --> 00:12:44,154 IS THIS THE BORN-AGAIN VIRGIN SUPPORT GROUP? 247 00:12:44,198 --> 00:12:47,418 JESUS CHRIST...IANSONS. 248 00:12:50,378 --> 00:12:51,858 - I KNOW WHAT YOU DID. - HM? 249 00:12:59,996 --> 00:13:03,565 THE THING I MISS MOST ABOUT BOINKING? 250 00:13:03,608 --> 00:13:07,569 HANDS ON MY TITS. 251 00:13:07,612 --> 00:13:12,313 MARTY, THIS CELIBACY STUNT MAY HAVE SAVED YOUR ASS. 252 00:13:12,356 --> 00:13:15,533 WE WERE MARRIED. WE WERE CELIBATE FOR 10 YEARS. 253 00:13:15,577 --> 00:13:18,972 OH, SO BANGING THE ENTIRE GIRLS VOLLEYBALL TEAM WAS YOU BEING CELIBATE? 254 00:13:19,015 --> 00:13:20,756 IT WASN'T THE ENTIRE TEAM. 255 00:13:20,800 --> 00:13:22,758 TWO OF THEM WERE LESBIANS. 256 00:13:28,546 --> 00:13:31,201 COACH, I JUST WANT TO LET YOU KNOW 257 00:13:31,245 --> 00:13:33,464 THAT I HAVE HAD THE TIME OF MY LIFE. 258 00:13:33,508 --> 00:13:35,858 I'M SURE GLAD YOU ENJOYED YOURSELF. 259 00:13:35,902 --> 00:13:40,602 BUT COACH, I HAVE SOMETHING TO SAY THAT I'VE WANTED TO SAY FOR A COUPLE OF DAYS NOW. 260 00:13:40,645 --> 00:13:43,561 YOU'RE ACTING LIKE THEIR LITTLE BITCH, OKAY? 261 00:13:43,605 --> 00:13:45,215 THERE, I SAID IT. I SAID IT. 262 00:13:45,259 --> 00:13:46,738 EXCUSE ME? 263 00:13:46,782 --> 00:13:48,566 I'VE NEVER DONE A SINGLE THING 264 00:13:48,610 --> 00:13:51,569 ANYBODY HAS TOLD ME TO DO IN MY ENTIRE LIFE. 265 00:13:51,613 --> 00:13:54,224 MY DAD TOLD ME NOT TO WASTE MY TIME WITH COLLEGE. 266 00:13:54,268 --> 00:13:56,487 I APPLIED THE NEXT DAY. 267 00:13:56,531 --> 00:13:58,576 MY DOCTORS TOLD ME TO STOP DRINKING. 268 00:13:58,620 --> 00:14:01,231 I DRINK EVERY CHANCE I GET. 269 00:14:01,275 --> 00:14:04,104 GROW A PAIR OF BALLS AND STOP BEING A BITCH. 270 00:14:05,975 --> 00:14:07,585 GET OUT OF THE CAR. 271 00:14:07,629 --> 00:14:09,718 NO. NO. 272 00:14:12,503 --> 00:14:14,766 HE TURNED ME AROUND LIKE THIS 273 00:14:14,810 --> 00:14:17,117 AND HE WAS LIKE, "I'M GONNA FINISH." 274 00:14:17,160 --> 00:14:21,773 I WAS LIKE, "JOEY, YOU SON OF A BITCH, 275 00:14:21,817 --> 00:14:24,646 YOU'RE NOT FINISHING UNTIL I SUCK 276 00:14:24,689 --> 00:14:27,344 THE GODDAMN HELL OUT OF YOUR BIG--" 277 00:14:27,388 --> 00:14:31,435 THE END! THE END! THANK YOU, MARY JO. 278 00:14:31,479 --> 00:14:33,437 WOW. 279 00:14:33,481 --> 00:14:36,614 IT FEELS SO GOOD TO GET THAT OFF MY TITS. 280 00:14:36,658 --> 00:14:41,793 WELL, I'LL SEE YOU GUYS AROUND. 281 00:14:42,882 --> 00:14:44,666 BYE. 282 00:14:46,581 --> 00:14:48,713 SCREW IT. I'LL GO AGAIN. 283 00:14:50,498 --> 00:14:53,457 I USED TO MASTURBATE 284 00:14:53,501 --> 00:14:55,677 EXCLUSIVELY WITH MOTOR OIL. 285 00:14:55,720 --> 00:14:58,593 YEAH, I WAS THAT GUY. 286 00:15:02,684 --> 00:15:05,208 DID YOU GUYS TAPE YOUR BONERS UP OR DOWN? 287 00:15:05,252 --> 00:15:07,167 I'M TAPED MY SHIT DOWN. YOU SHOULD TRY IT. 288 00:15:07,210 --> 00:15:10,474 YO, LOOK, JUST A HEADS UP... 289 00:15:10,518 --> 00:15:12,215 YOU MIGHT BE STARTING THIS WEEKEND. 290 00:15:12,259 --> 00:15:15,305 - WHAT, WHY? - BECAUSE I'M SMASHING THAT GIRL TONIGHT. 291 00:15:15,349 --> 00:15:16,828 I DON'T CARE ABOUT BEING BENCHED. 292 00:15:16,872 --> 00:15:18,918 I DON'T CARE IF I END UP IN WINGS. 293 00:15:18,961 --> 00:15:21,921 I'M TAKING HER TO MY BED TONIGHT. 294 00:15:21,964 --> 00:15:24,271 Coach: OKAY, EVERYBODY, GATHER ROUND. 295 00:15:26,273 --> 00:15:29,189 THERE'S GONNA BE NATIONAL MEDIA AT THE CHURCH TODAY. 296 00:15:29,232 --> 00:15:31,539 SO LET'S GO OVER THERE, SMILE PRETTY, 297 00:15:31,582 --> 00:15:35,064 RUN AROUND A LITTLE BIT, AND THEN GET THE HELL OUT. 298 00:15:35,108 --> 00:15:36,631 UNDERSTOOD? 299 00:15:36,674 --> 00:15:39,155 All: YES, COACH! 300 00:15:43,029 --> 00:15:45,379 HOW YOU DOING, COACH? YOU WANT TO ENACT A MERCY RULE? 301 00:15:45,422 --> 00:15:47,337 NO, I DON'T THINK THAT'LL BE NECESSARY. 302 00:15:47,381 --> 00:15:49,339 YOU'RE GONNA TAKE IT EASY ON US, THOUGH, RIGHT? 303 00:15:49,383 --> 00:15:51,515 EXCUSE ME. 304 00:15:51,559 --> 00:15:53,996 THAT WAS QUITE THE PERFORMANCE YESTERDAY. 305 00:15:54,040 --> 00:15:56,999 YOU KNOW YOU COULD HAVE AVOIDED THE WHOLE SITUATION 306 00:15:57,043 --> 00:15:59,567 IF YOU BENT ME OVER AND NAILED ME WHEN I WANTED YOU TO. 307 00:16:02,483 --> 00:16:04,224 HAVE A GOOD GAME. 308 00:16:05,225 --> 00:16:06,878 NO BEAV ON THREE. 309 00:16:06,922 --> 00:16:08,445 ONE, TWO, THREE. NO BEAV! 310 00:16:18,673 --> 00:16:21,937 - OH SORRY! I'M SORRY! - HOLY SHIT. 311 00:16:21,981 --> 00:16:24,679 BRIAN BOSWORTH MADE ME DO IT! I'M SORRY. 312 00:16:24,722 --> 00:16:28,857 MARTY! KEEP IT CLEAN FOR A CHANGE, HUH? 313 00:16:38,519 --> 00:16:41,783 LISTEN, STAY STRONG. ALL RIGHT? FOCUS. 314 00:16:59,931 --> 00:17:01,455 YOU GET THIS UNDER CONTROL. 315 00:17:01,498 --> 00:17:04,153 YOUR TEAM'S EMBARRASSING US IN FRONT OF THE ENTIRE COUNTRY. 316 00:17:07,243 --> 00:17:08,331 I TOOK YOUR WIFE, MARTY. 317 00:17:08,375 --> 00:17:10,420 DON'T MAKE ME TAKE YOUR JOB TOO. 318 00:17:12,292 --> 00:17:15,425 STOP BEING THEIR BITCH, COACH! COME ON, DON'T DO IT. 319 00:17:17,123 --> 00:17:19,168 HEY, WARREN, 320 00:17:19,212 --> 00:17:21,214 THE DAY I LET YOU OR YOUR WIFE 321 00:17:21,257 --> 00:17:23,129 TELL ME HOW TO DEAL WITH MY PLAYERS 322 00:17:23,172 --> 00:17:25,174 IS THE DAY DEBRA SWALLOWS. 323 00:17:25,218 --> 00:17:27,220 - EXCUSE ME? - YOU HEARD ME. 324 00:17:27,263 --> 00:17:29,831 YOU SEE THIS RIGHT HERE ON THE FIELD? 325 00:17:32,312 --> 00:17:36,142 THAT'S YOUR FAULT FOR TRYING TO MAKE MY PLAYERS BE SOMETHING THEY'RE NOT. 326 00:17:36,185 --> 00:17:38,100 YOU WANNA FIRE ME? GOOD! 327 00:17:38,144 --> 00:17:39,754 I WANT YOU TO! 328 00:17:39,797 --> 00:17:41,669 I'LL FIND ANOTHER COACHING JOB. 329 00:17:41,712 --> 00:17:44,324 WHEN I DO, I'LL COME BACK EVERY YEAR 330 00:17:44,367 --> 00:17:47,588 AND I'LL KICK YOUR ASS! YOU ARE NOTHING WITHOUT ME. 331 00:17:47,631 --> 00:17:49,285 AND NEITHER ARE YOU! 332 00:17:50,678 --> 00:17:52,984 SECOND TEAM, GET IN THERE! 333 00:17:53,028 --> 00:17:54,769 NO. FIRST TEAM STAYS IN THERE. 334 00:17:54,812 --> 00:17:56,336 RANDELL IS M.I.A. 335 00:17:56,379 --> 00:17:59,208 MORAN, YOU'RE IN FOR RANDELL! 336 00:17:59,252 --> 00:18:01,819 I WANT YOU TO BURY THESE PRICKS! 337 00:18:01,863 --> 00:18:03,865 I WANT THEM PRAYING TO YOU AFTER THE GAME! 338 00:18:03,908 --> 00:18:07,303 OH, I CAN'T GO IN RIGHT NOW, COACH. 339 00:18:07,347 --> 00:18:09,262 WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT? 340 00:18:09,305 --> 00:18:11,090 I... 341 00:18:11,133 --> 00:18:14,658 I GOTTA GO POOP. 342 00:18:14,702 --> 00:18:17,835 HOLD IT IN. GET IN THERE! 343 00:18:17,879 --> 00:18:20,708 YOU BETTER PRAY, SON. I GOT YOUR NUMBER. 344 00:18:20,751 --> 00:18:23,624 YOU HAD BETTER PRAY! 345 00:18:23,667 --> 00:18:26,279 LET'S LEAVE IT UNLOCKED. 346 00:18:26,322 --> 00:18:29,064 I LIKE THE IDEA OF MAYBE GETTING CAUGHT. 347 00:18:29,108 --> 00:18:30,500 YEAH, I LIKE THAT. 348 00:18:30,544 --> 00:18:35,766 YOU READY FOR THE FULL-ON RADON RANDELL SEDUCTION? 349 00:18:35,810 --> 00:18:39,118 - COME ON. - FATHER, I GOT TO MAKE A CONFESSION. 350 00:18:39,161 --> 00:18:41,859 I WANT TO HAVE SEX WITH MY BEST FRIEND'S SISTER. 351 00:18:41,903 --> 00:18:44,514 SHE'S ABOUT TO BANG MY TEAMMATE IN A PORT-A-POTTY, 352 00:18:44,558 --> 00:18:46,081 AND I CAN'T LET IT HAPPEN. 353 00:18:46,125 --> 00:18:48,605 - THAT'S BETWEEN YOU AND GOD. - WHAT? 354 00:18:48,649 --> 00:18:51,130 YOU HAD BETTER PRAY! COME ON! 355 00:18:51,173 --> 00:18:55,177 ♪ I WANNA LAY YOU DOWN 356 00:18:55,221 --> 00:18:59,181 ♪ AND GIVE IT TO YOU IN YOUR NECK ♪ 357 00:18:59,225 --> 00:19:03,142 ♪ AH YEAH, DON'T YOU LIKE THAT, BABY? ♪ 358 00:19:03,185 --> 00:19:06,841 ♪ I WANNA LAY YOU DOWN... 359 00:19:06,884 --> 00:19:09,148 DOWN. 360 00:19:10,236 --> 00:19:12,629 PLEASE, GOD. 361 00:19:12,673 --> 00:19:13,891 SET, HIKE! 362 00:19:13,935 --> 00:19:16,155 UHN. 363 00:19:16,198 --> 00:19:19,158 LOOK, RADON, I THINK YOU'RE AMAZING. 364 00:19:19,201 --> 00:19:21,377 BUT THERE'S SOMETHING I GOTTA TELL YOU-- 365 00:19:21,421 --> 00:19:23,336 MMN, RADON'S COMING. 366 00:19:29,037 --> 00:19:31,431 WHOSE IDEA WAS THIS DUCT TAPE? 367 00:19:43,573 --> 00:19:47,403 AAH! OH, MY DICKY! 368 00:19:47,447 --> 00:19:49,579 WHOO! YOU LIKE THAT, HOTSHOT? 369 00:19:49,623 --> 00:19:51,233 THAT'S HOW DO IN GOD'S HOUSE. 370 00:19:51,277 --> 00:19:52,713 YEAH. 371 00:19:52,756 --> 00:19:55,194 FATHER, YOU NEED TO GET LAID. 372 00:20:00,286 --> 00:20:02,288 I BROKE MY DICKY! 373 00:20:02,331 --> 00:20:03,419 OH, IT HURTS! 374 00:20:03,463 --> 00:20:05,508 THANK YOU. THANK YOU. 375 00:20:05,552 --> 00:20:07,293 THANK YOU. 376 00:20:07,641 --> 00:20:10,252 ♪ HOW 'BOUT WE JUST TAKE SOME TIME ♪ 377 00:20:10,296 --> 00:20:13,734 ♪ GONNA GET ME A SLICE OF THAT CHERRY PIE... ♪ 378 00:20:15,736 --> 00:20:18,260 HI. CONGRATULATIONS. 379 00:20:18,304 --> 00:20:20,262 YOU'RE ON THE FRONT PAGE OF "DEADSPIN." 380 00:20:20,306 --> 00:20:23,134 THE DUCT TAPE WAS YOUR IDEA, WASN'T IT? 381 00:20:23,178 --> 00:20:25,441 NO, IT WASN'T MY IDEA. 382 00:20:28,444 --> 00:20:31,317 ONE OF THESE DAYS, I'M GOING TO FRENCH YOU, ALEX. 383 00:20:31,360 --> 00:20:33,188 AND YOU'RE GONNA LOVE IT. 384 00:20:35,321 --> 00:20:37,323 GET YOUR PRETTY FACES AWAY FROM ME! 385 00:20:37,366 --> 00:20:40,239 I'M GOIN' TOP THREE! 386 00:20:49,204 --> 00:20:50,553 YOU PASSED THE TEST. 387 00:20:50,597 --> 00:20:52,120 ONE WHOLE WEEK WITHOUT SEX PROVES 388 00:20:52,163 --> 00:20:55,210 YOU'LL DO WHATEVER IT TAKES TO PERFORM AT THE PRO LEVEL. 389 00:20:55,254 --> 00:20:57,604 YOU WILL NOW BE THE NUMBER-ONE DRAFT PICK NEXT YEAR. 390 00:20:57,647 --> 00:21:00,215 NUMERO UNO? 391 00:21:00,259 --> 00:21:02,261 NUMERO UNO, THAD. 392 00:21:02,304 --> 00:21:04,524 JUST LIKE ME. 393 00:21:04,567 --> 00:21:08,223 OH, THANK YOU. OH, THANK YOU, MR. BOS-- 394 00:21:10,921 --> 00:21:14,708 - DID YOU JUST-- - YEAH. 395 00:21:14,751 --> 00:21:16,971 JUST LIKE ME. 396 00:21:19,713 --> 00:21:24,195 ♪ I WANNA LAY YOU DOWN... 397 00:21:25,806 --> 00:21:29,026 ♪ AND GIVE IT TO YOU IN YOUR NECK ♪ 398 00:21:36,207 --> 00:21:39,646 ♪ YOU WANNA LAY ME DOWN AND PLAY AROUND? ♪ 399 00:21:39,689 --> 00:21:43,302 ♪ I SEE YOU LOOKIN' LIKE MY BIG DADDY NOW ♪ 400 00:21:43,345 --> 00:21:46,653 ♪ AND YOU CAN RUB IT IN-BETWEEN MY CHEEKS ♪ 401 00:21:46,696 --> 00:21:49,220 ♪ OH, LOOK AT ME 402 00:21:49,264 --> 00:21:51,266 ♪ I CAN TOUCH MY FEET.